It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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