Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
