the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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