I cannot find my penis.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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