I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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