I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
