Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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