To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
