Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
