He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
