he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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