dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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