Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
