Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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