apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
