My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
