just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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