do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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