I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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