so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
