So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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