I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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