Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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