just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's never too late to be topless.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
