dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
