My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this will be a night to untag.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
