just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
