The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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