I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
