I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
