And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
