doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Couch. On fire.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
