I'm drive I can fine osifer
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
