You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
