Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
