I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
