Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
