Duck Duck Cougar?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize