If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
