found the other keg... it's in the tree
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
