I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
