This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
