I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
