we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
