you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize