there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
