if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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