im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
