Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
