he looks like a really good dad on facebook
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
