Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
