So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
