I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
