I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
