people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
