So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
