So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
