Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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