Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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