So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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