it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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