just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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