It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
that may or may not have been my penis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
