I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
