I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
