I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Found the puke drawer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
