I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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