If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
