her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
