Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
