in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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