dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
