I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize